I'm exhausted

Not physically exhausted. Personally exhausted. I don't know why. My life is hard. But other people have more difficult lives.

I wonder if its from being alone. I think being alone is exhausting. I think you can get energy from other people. Let someone take over.

That's it really. I think you can get energy from other people. Pick you up, they do. Put a charge into you, they do. Give you something to look forward to...

I have plenty to look forward to too. I have more time probably than most. And I used to think "What is there to do?" I used to be bored. Now, I can't imagine being bored. There's so much to do. I want to write, photograph, blog, drive, do Tai Chi, draw, paint, sing, dance - ok well only maybe on the dance - but I want to travel, and stay home. I want to garden but I don't want to take anything else on. I want to spend my time being creative.




And I want to live like Hugh Hefner does with 20 beautiful women around all the time to soothe his aching soul. I want that house (but with many more brunettes) who want to soothe my aching soul. I want to imbibe and indulge the way Peter O'Toole does (Did? Does he still?). I want to be Paul Gaugin all over again. Is that so wrong?





I want to see my friends all over the world. I want to see where my ancestors met with their friends and talked about what it would be like to come to America.

I want to write the next "Waiting for Godot" and smile mysteriously while people try to guess what its about.

Maybe I want to act.

It was fun being on stage last weekend. Not acting really but hey.

Its good to be busy.

I almost have time. I almost have money. I'm closer now than I ever was ... well ever.



So why am I so tired?

Hey. I said I'm tired. Not dead!