Large generalizations and travel time

I think sometimes I try to make large generalizations while I'm blogging. Maybe only while I think about blogging. I think about blogging more than I blog. Way more. If I could blog while I'm driving I would blog a lot. Anyway this time I'm going to try not to make my observations relavant to anyone other than myself. Maybe other people already do that. Maybe they don't.

Lately I've been thinking about what time is me. By that I mean when in the course of doing the things that I do every day, or indeed any given day, am I really me. The real me. Sometimes I just do what I do because I have to.

What do I love? I love drawing, and painting, especially while I'm listening to certain music. I love writing, but writing seems to scare me into not writing. I love singing. I do it in the car. Which brings me to what I seem to really love. Driving. Driving nowhere, usually on the back roads, reflexively looking for birds. Sometimes I look for deer. Sometimes for woodchucks or rabits or cows. Yes cows. Any sign of life. I usually do this in the evening. Often I go riding after work. The light is best then. Or in the morning. Usually I don't know where I'm going. Exploring is a part of it. I pick a direction and go that way, until I have to come back. I don't know when I'll have to come back when I leave, and I don't know while I'm out there. Often, just one more hill, or one more turn in the road leads to another turn or hill that I just have to see, and see what is past it. It commonly involves fast food. Because I'd miss the light if I stayed home and made food. Eating is important, but what I eat and where do not seem to be. But that turn I follow, on some two lane road, that opens up into a valley filled with afternoon light and a blue sky behind green and yellow mountains, that seems important. I don't know for sure if this driving is a compulsion or me being me at my most me. I wish I did. Lately I don't find many things to take pictures of. I haven't rushed home with a camera filled with invisible treasure in a long time. Sometimes I think that photo's potential is why I go. Its something to look forward to. I have to have something to look forward to. When I have that thing, that good thing that I know is coming, hopefully a good photograph; when something I did, holds together with a life of its own, I get that feeling that I've done something that will last. When I've produced something. Then I feel good. I want that sense of accomplishment.

This is true in drawing or painting too.

But sometimes I wonder, if the sitting there and drawing, while listening to music that I love, or sitting there driving, while singing with my favorite driving music - sometimes drawing music and driving music are different, sometimes the same, but what I'm wondering these days, is, is that time while I'm just doing the thing, not producing, but just being ... is that me? Do I drive because I have to drive? Because I'm impelled to look for that thing to create? Am I looking for beauty, or just feeling insecure about being in the world without producing?

Today I want to think, that that serenity, adventure, calm, wonder, joy and awe of seeing the great green state of New York while my favorite music plays - that that moment is me, is who I really am at the momemt I'm most me. I hope so.

When I have time and money that's what I do. When I can do anything, that's what I do.

Does this relate to a universal truth? Who knows. Do other people look forward to a time or a condition that is truely knowingly themselves? Is there something more to take from this? I don't know. All I know is when the days are perfect, like they have been lately, I go driving, camera bag in the passenger seat, Sarah Maclachlin, Brian Eno and JJ Cale, or some mix tape on the CD through the foothills of the Catskills or through the green hills surrounding the fingerlakes (if I have a lot of time) living in the moment, and trying to capture it.

You know what?

My friend Max once told me about a language form, that a lot of people used, that he, as an English major, wondered whether or not it was in correct usage. (I think I tortured English right there, but I digress.) This colloquial usage that made him wonder was "The thing of it is, is ... ). I notice it all the time now. I don't know what to think of it though.

I have a new one.

People, Americans, seem to be using it more and more. Perhaps it helps in making an argument, such as "The earth is getting warmer" Perhaps to set up a joke. As in "George Bush is President" For whatever reason we are more and more using a question in the middle of our declarative statements, and maybe our jokes.

And not just any question. Its always this question "And you know what?". Usually followed by the big point, "Nobody's doing anything about it!" Or in the case of a joke "And you know what?" and the big point again. "He has a tiny little brain!"

People are now punctuating their remarks, more and more frequently with "And you know what?" - And you know what?
I think its here to stay! And you know what else? I'd like to know how it started!

Who started this? I don't know, but I'm going to have fun with it. And you know what else?
Scarlett Johannson is still hot!

It works for non-sequitors too!

Freedom from Religion

Ok. Seriously now. Not everyone agrees on which is the right religion. People are even making them up all the time. Someday. Some halfway nice person is going to get political power and want to make - you pick here - Scientology, Islam, Mormonism the official religion of the state. Is Utah that far away? Is the US Government that far away? What happens when the one the majority picks, isn't yours?

People in Isreal, not all but alot, think God gave them that land. Dismissing the fact that, that would indicate God didn't like them very much, there are others in that country who think God gave it to them and they hate the first group. Mustn't one of them be wrong? How can we possibly know what God wants when we can't agree on what that is? SOME of us must be wrong.

Oh, its the other guy!

http://humanknowledge.net/Philosophy/Metaphysics/Theology/Religion.html

Here's to Spring!!

in just

in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's
spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it's
spring
and
the

goat-footed

balloonMan whistles
far
and
wee
e.e. cummings

Who needs change?

Johnny Damon threw his bat into the stands in a game today, swinging at a pitch. I wanted the fan to throw the bat back. It got me thinking about why I wanted Damon to get his bat back. I decided it was because that was the way it was 'supposed' to be. Players are supposed to get their bats back. Fans have no rights to them. Nowadays the fan almost always get a replacement bat. Its like extortion. So I got to thinking about why I think like that. The player makes millions. In this case the fan didn't even get hurt. He caught it. Still I wanted him to give the bat back. I decided that, that was a conservative way of thinking. More conservative am I, than I would like to admit to. Yes. My participle dangles.


But is Conservativism is wrong? Conservativism is bad? Conservativism is funamentally against nature? Is that what you say? Change is the order of things? Change has to happen for progress to happen. The world, indeed the universe is constantly changing? I say no. I ask ... Must we accept change? I don't think so. And neither should Elliot Spitzer!

Spitzer. Not usually, a rampaging liberal, wants to change your government. Conservatives want to keep the same old separation of Church and State that was written into the constitution. But is original intent really what is best for the country? Elliot Spitzer doesn't think so. In a meeting with a religious based group this very day he stated that he wanted more involvement from religious based groups in social welfare. Now THAT's change. Elliott Spitzer wants to mix religion and politics. That's George W kind of change! That is a strong leader. Why should we follow a constitution written over 200 years ago? We can change it. The world is a different world now! We need to recognize that.

Change is not good. Consider the way gasoline prices have gone up since Hurricane Katrina. Higher gasoline prices? Bad change. The good news is that it makes us 'Conserve' gas. Hurricane Katrina did more for conservation than anything Since Jimmy Carter! We don't want change. We want our old gas prices and our old Constitution. So if you vote for Elliott Spitzer, you could be voting for change. You could actually be voting against the separation of church and state. Don't do it! How about a New York State government that's a little more like the Federal government?

If Johnny Damon's bat had hit me in the stands. I'd have given it to him!